WOW

 Friday, June 8th 2022

I visited your home for the second time today since you crossed. (The first time I was unable to "be" there. Dad was there the whole time, as were my husband and son. That time was taken up by socializing, a rather unusual occurrence for Dad.) This time I was able to look around a little closer, and take advantage of being there without Dad to allow me or my son to take something. Because as you know, you left everything you own to him. To the one who stressed you out your entire life, even until your last dying days. The one who I urged you to leave, even as a young child. But you and he must've had some lessons to learn from each other, I suppose. I took a few small sentimental tiny pieces of jewelry that I imagine you would want for me to have. I took small things because I could put them in my purse and have them hidden should Dad show up. And I was constantly looking out the window to make sure he wasn't.

I wanted, desperately wanted, to stay there longer, but lest he should come, I did not want to push my luck. So after an hour or so, I decided it was time to go. As I reversed and pulled away, I looked to your porch, to where so many times before I would see you waving us off. But you were not to be seen standing there this time. No, not this time and never again would you wave us off after a visit. It made me cry. Another harsh reality check making me realize more that you are really gone from this world. I can't believe it sometimes, that the day I dreaded my whole life finally came.

After my son and I left, I didn't want to go home. It's hot, stinky, small, cluttered, crowded and just depressing to be in. Besides, I wanted more of you, more of something, so I settled for driving on the streets that you had so many times, for so many years. 

As I wondered which way to go, a pick-up truck appeared in front of me. In its' bed, was an oversized innertube, probably meant for floating down the river. The brand was "WOW" but the tube had been placed upside down and it read in giant, black bold letters, "MOM". I couldn't believe what I was seeing. There it was, a sign, my first sign from you, and meant just for me; how much more direct could you be, Mom? Always the teacher, annunciating words clearly and concise! And to boot, the words "FUN" on a plus sign flanking the word "WOW". Are you telling me to have fun Mom? It sure would make sense, since that topic had come up. How growing up, having fun was equated to sin for me. How Dad made it a sin for anyone to do something solely for the purpose of, *gasp* having fun! How can you enjoy yourself, how can you do anything trivial, for happiness, when people are dying, starving, fighting, lying, killing each other! How DARE you have fun!

Thank you, Mom, thank you so much, for sending me that sign, for being with me, so that I know you are still with me, if not in this physical dimension, then in another realm that allows us to continue to communicate.